LETHAL COMBINATIONS

In my new book Toxic Men- 10 Ways to Identify, Deal With and Heal from Men Who Make Your Life Miserable,  I speak of Lethal Combinations.  This is when a certain type of Toxic Man and a Toxic type of Woman get  together to cause a Lethal explosion. We are clearly seeing that explosion in the case of Mel Gibson’s and Oksana Gregorieva’s coupling. The old expression, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure applies here. What is toxic and unbearable to one person may not be toxic to the next.

From what we have seen no matter how you look at it, Mel Gibson, stands alone as  one of the most Toxic men out there. He is no one’s treasure as far as mostof us are concerned.  Based on what we now know about him, the only thing that someone  could treasure about him  may be the fact that he has a lot of money, a lot of nice material goods, and a lot of connections  that he  has because he can afford to pay big bucks. This includes his high profile  attorneys and pr agents who are defending him and spinning  for him.

But  in the final analysis no one can spin him. His Control Freak Bullying ways, his sexism (calling a female police officer Sugar Tits and just wanting a woman only  for the purpose of engaging in oral sex with him as we all heard on the infamous tape ) his anti- Semitism and rant against Jews, Blacks ( comparing them to animals in a  pack and using the egregious N word) and rant against Hispanics, stinginess(not wanting to pay the nanny) selfishness, vulgar and disrespectful speech,  complete with name calling and using every expletive to call the mother of his child,  makes him the number one example of a Toxic Man.

SLAPPING  IS THE SAME AS A HITTING – IT IS PHYSICAL  ABUSE

His recent self admission that he didn’t beat  or hit  Oksana,  but instead merely” slapped” her, says it all. He just put his final  nail in his coffin in the court of public opinion.

When a man resorts to hitting a woman, you can’t say anything else other than he is a Toxic abuser. Since Mel admitted that she slapped a woman  Mel Gibson is a Toxic Abuser !

When we listen to the tape of his wild out of control rant towards Oksana there is nothing more Mel can ever do or say. The die is cast for him as a physical abuser forever and ever.

DID MEL ABUSE FIRST WIFE ROBIN AND WHAT WAS THEIR RELATIONSHIP LIKE?

Maybe he was Toxic  to his wife Robyn. Maybe he wasn’t. Only they know for sure.

We do know that he had a drinking problem when he was married to Robynm whom he married when she was young. We do know that he  also had a cheating problem when he was married to Robyn.

We don’t know if he yelled at Robyn cursed her, hit her, humiliated her, or caused her to live in fear.

Maybe she did not bring out the worst  Toxic traits in him. Maybe she brought out the best in him. Maybe she learned  early on in their marriage to turn a blind eye because of a number of reasons.

Maybe she wanted to keep the family together with all the children she had with Mel. Maybe Mel saw her in a different light because she did not seek the limelight but rather sought only  to be a mother and to  be  a caretaker  for her children and her husband.

Maybe she never questioned him or demanded anything from him.  SHe cerianly did’t insist that he put up the money for her singing career like Oksana did . Maybe she did everything he said. Maybe she was so compliant that he has no reason to get upset with her or yell at her or hit her.

Since their marriage lasted for three decades, there is no doubt that something worked in their dynamic. If his toxic traits emerged around him, she no doubt learned to stuff her feelings or deal with the repercussions, in exchange for maintaining her lifestyle and the   cohesiveness of the  family unit she had with him.

Maybe  without even realizing it, she  used some of the techniques I describe  in my book for those who choose to stay in  a toxic relationship and deal with it.

Maybe she breathed him out of her system every time he acted toxic.  Maybe she gave him more love and kindness or calmly confronted him or secretly fantasized about pushing him into oncoming traffic on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Whatever she did to cope with his Toxicity evidently worked for her.

Since I have never met Robyn nor have I ever  seen her and Me together, I can only speculate. But I am certain  that her personality  makeup was not Toxic to Mel. This is  clearly the opposite of Oksana’s personality makeup.She was defiantly Toxic to Mel.

OKSANA IS EQUALLY AS TOXIC TO MEL AND MAKE A LETHAL COUPLE

From what we have seen  thus far from Oksana via her verbal and non verbal communicaiton , we see that Mel’s assessment of her may be correct.  She  does appear to be user and a classic manipulator. She loved the limelight as you can see in the photo above , In fact, she may have loved Mel’s  money even more and his connections  even  more than his money, which could  propel her  mediocre  singing talents in my view.

She apparently knew exactly how to push his buttons with her low, emotionless, hypnotic monotones. It is easy to see how frustrated Mel became around her. When he was clearly upset and she calmly and unemotionally said he is mentally disturbed and needs help, it is easy to see why she brought out the worst in Mel.

ALL 39 OF OKSAN’S LAWYERS CANT ALL BE WRONG!

When someone goes through a few attorneys it is understandable. One needs to find one to match one’s  needs and personality.

You may even need different attorneys to do different things for you. But when attorney after attorney leave you because you are so difficult and won’t listen to them , then it is you who is Toxic.

When your attorney tells you  not to  sing on Oprah and you don’t listen there is something wrong. When your attorney says no more press and you don’t listen something is very wrong.

At one time Oksana   had the best attorneys in Los Angeles try to help her , One by one they left her camp. They evidently saw right through her and her toxicity. She had Sorrell Trope- the most respected  attorney in the city to help her.  He was obviously  so fed up with her that he quit.

She had the former felony prosecutor  Robin Saks trying to help her. I know Robin very well as she is my partner in our new business venture “Courtroom Consultants” where we use our expertise to not only provide jury consulting but media consulting for high profile cases. If she washed her hands of Oksana along with countless other high profile attorneys, something is very wrong Oksana in my view.

Now Okana  is delegated to attorney Martin Garbus who appeared on Larry King with her as he tried to spin her BS.  I have to say is that no matter how long Mr. Garbus has been doing his job or how much he has spoken publicly on behalf of his clients, he needs to hire Robin Sax and myself and our Courtroom Consultants firm in order to  immediately to help him with his on camera presence.

He made Oksana look worse than she already looked. He was clearly spinning  and spinning!  There were so many signals of deception on his part  in my view from his shoulder shrugs and his constantly looking down when he spoke. He did not appear  likeable  to me and that says a lot to a jury. And adding insult to injury in my opinion,  was  his lack of  on camera manners sucking a  mint on TV during the interview.   It appeared  rude  and obnoxious and highly unprofessional.

While it is bad enough to see a client chew gum or suck mints  in and out of  the courtroom,  when a lawyer  does it,  the message it gives is disrespect.

Not only does her legal mouthpiece show disrespect,  Oksana  too, shows much disrespect by defying a judges orders. I know many judges and I can assure you that it is not a wise decision to defy their orders. The consequences are too great. But Oksana cannot help herself. She is willing to disrespect the court in order to feed her narcissistic need for publicity by appearing on Larry King Live.

WOMEN’S ABUSE FOUNDATION IS SECONDARY TO OKSANA’S MESSAGE AND PURPOSE

There was no way in my view that Oksana  was on the show to represent  and promote the women’s abuse foundation. I know this because  she spoke about them in the third person.  She was detached,  She did not speak like a spokesperson. Instead she spoke about herself and she clealry had her own agenda.

WAS OKSANA MANIPULATING HER INJURIES?

I have no doubt that Mel slapped her. Ater all,  he admitted it. But did  he slap her with the baby in her arms? I wonder.

What makes me wonder is  Mel’s response on  the audio tape when she accuses him of doing so.  He just mocks her and says boohoo hoo. I wonder of she spliced that together. While Mel hates Oksana he clearly does not hate the baby and would not hit the baby in my view.

He would have answered differently like Are you crazy oe how dare you say I hit the baby!  Instead, there is no responsem  just a mocking of Oksana. Did she splice the tape up to suit her needs?

Now  we see that the baby’s injuries may have  allegedly  been doctored as TMZ  showed  these two  photos of Baby Lucia.

The photo below shows a pimple like mark on Lucia’s chin. If Mel’s slap continued on and hit  Lucia one would not see a localized pimple like spot. Instae done would see a swelling and brusing.

WHY IS OKSANA SMILING IN HER  DENTAL PHOTO MINUS VENEERS?

In addition  we see Oksana smiling as her veneers were allegedly knocked off by Mel.  You see a genuine smile in the photo as her eyes as well,as her  lips show that she is happy.

Is she happy and smiling because she thinks that this is the money shot which will do Mel in and allow her to collect big bucks?  Was Mel wearing a ring when he allegedly  slapped her in the mouth?  Is that what broke her tooth or did she bite on something hard in a deliberate attempt to crack and chip the veneer?

Did  she already have a loose veneer that had nothing to do with Mel’s  slap and  and then proceed to   peel it off off by herself ?  Anything is possible!

The dentist appears to be a reluctant witness and even said he didnt;t see signs of abuse.  He backtraacked initially. If someone hit you hard enough to cause your veneeer to pop off wouldn’t it seem logical that you would also see some soft tissue damage around the lips?

The fact that she is  smiling is disturbing. Even if the dentist said to smile for the camera to show the alleged damage, her eyes would not be crinking with a smile unless she was happy. Who would be happy if someone knocked off their veneers unless they knew there was some big financial compensation coming up?

WAS OKSANA’S FACIAL BRUISING  THE RESULT OF RESTALYNE OR BOTOX SHOTS ?

When I saw the   small bruise on the side of Oksana’s eye to me it  looked like  a small bruise one would get after having a Restylyne  filler  or Botox shot in the area.  There  are also  a cluster of little brown spots  located underneath the eye which also look like they may be filler shots. They do not look like an injury from a battery to me. They would be a lot more severe and not at localized ?

There would also be alotmore swelling and distorion. The factthat the bruse was still black and blue and purple indicates that it is fresh. so with a frsh bruise you would see more swellingand distortion in my view.

OKASNA ON  LARRY KING LIVE

Personally I found the whole Larry King interview to be very manipulative and disturbing . When someone does not look at the host initially  and when they constantly look down,  chances are they are not telling the truth about something.

This was the case with Oksana. She did not  look at Larry and instead  she consistetly looked down as she spoke. If someone has nothing to hide they look right at you.

She continued to look down as she said that Mel continued to hit and choke her in front of her son. Personally I seriously dount that happened. He may have very well choked her and hot her but based on her  body language I doubt that he di dit in front of her son.  P erhaps Oksana  coached her son to say this happened when it may not have happened.

Still looking down which is  another signal of deception Oksana says that Mel brandished a gun! Who uses the word branished? To me. his sounds like a term that she rehearsed with her attorney or she heard her attorney say  in his  argument.  If one was being forthright and sincere and truthful they usually would not use big words or words that you need a dictionary to figure out.  Instead, they would say he pointed a gun at me.

Personally,  I have a hard time thinking Mel would point a gun at her without pulling the trigger. He may have been furious,  but he is not insane.

He loves children or he would not have had so many of them. I am sure he loves that  baby and I doubt that he would pull a gun on her while she had the baby in her arms. It just  doesn’t make sense. It seems she is throwing all the accusations up against the wall, no matter how absurd they are in order to see what sticks.

OKSANA IS BUSTED BY LARRY’S QUESTION ” WHY DIDNT YOU JUST HANG UP?”

Here is where we really see some signals of deception and some spinning on the part of Oksana’s attorney Garbus. Larry asks her why she just didnt hang  up on Mel. That is a great question!

Why didnt she just not take his calls. She obviously look his calls because she was recording them.  Look at her hands and her facial expression, She is shocked that Larry asked her this.

One hand  is cupped and her f ingers  are pinched  together, This indicates anger. The other hand is open and outstretched m  a pleading like motion. What she is doing here in making this gesture is pleading with Larry to be believed.  She  is angry that he brought this up and pleads that he believe her.

We see her head cocked to the side and her eyes opened wide and an expression of righteous indignation.

When you see something like this it indicates that she was in essence busted . She was embarrassed that she was caught as you see her deer in the headlights wide eyed expression.

If someone was harassing you over the phone you would hang up n them and not continue to converse with them or engage them unless you planned to tape them, perhaps doctor the tapes. and release them publicly.

She says she recorded him because she was   afraid for her life. If that was the case she needed to  hang up and leave his mansion where she was staying rent free and go to a friends home or to a woman’s shelter.

As Oksana looks on in shock at having no truthful  answer , the question that revealed it was  why didnt you just hang up on him ? Her attorney immediately steps  in a begins his ridiculous spin with mint sloshing in his mouth from side to side. He  bothlooks and sounds ridiculous. He is clearly showing signals of deception as well in my view.

The

The lawyers umhs and uhs and shoulder shrugs, and lack of eye contact with the host, his leaning  his  head away are all signals of spin  as well as deception.

These are just a few examples of deception  but there were so many other signals I observed with regard to Oksana during her interview with Larry King. Her pleading with Larry to help her screamed of manipulation.

It was like she was pretending to be the poor helpless victim from a far away land who needed someone to save her.

After defying the judges orders I believe that there is little if anything that can save Oksana or Mel for that matter. He did by his own admission hit a woman and that is a felony offense. She may very well have extorted him as he has accused.

If they are both found guilty they may both suffer the consequences which may include time behind bars on both of their parts.

And who is the one who will really suffer in the end? Little Lucia! It is so sad for her. She didn’t ask to be born into this mess and hatefest. Now this is a part of her legacy. Unfortunately she has to grow up with the knowledge  that her parents essentially used her as a pawn when she was an innocent  baby. www.drlillianglass.com

November 18, 2010 – 12 Responses

Click below to see Dr. Glass speaking about the Gosselin children on the Joy Behar Show on HLN

http://cnn.com/video/?/video/showbiz/2010/11/15/behar.gosselin.kids.panel.hln

A while back I wrote a blog where I described the behaviors and the body language of  some of the Gosselin children. I observed them on the  Jon and Kate Plus 8 television show. In particular, I found the behavior of little Colin Gosselin disturbing as he appeared to be the one who consistently bullied the other children. He  was often involved in some type of interaction which resulted one of the other children ending up in tears.  He often seemed to be 0ff of his own and appeared to be  disconnected from the others, in my view.Also, he rarely smiled. He  also seemed to be rewarded for his bad behavior by Kate .

Alexis was described by Kate as being The Wild Child. ” Kate once said  on the show that of all the kids, Alexis  and Colin did not get along at all. This alligator and reptile loving  girl seemed to be loud and out of control throughout the show.

So it did not surprise me at all when I heard that both Colin and Alexis were in trouble in school. But what did surprise me was that they were expelled. They were not suspended. Instead, they were kicked out and asked never to return. It is a huge deal for a 6 year old to get expelled from school. They must have been so out of control and so difficult to handle that the school  administration had no other choice. They must have been so disrupting and upsetting to the other children that the only solution was to get rid of them.

Allegedly they cursed up a storm and said words that children of that age should not even know, let alone  say. They also allegedly bullied and taunted other children. In essence, because they were not given boundaries in the home, they acted the same way at school.

There is no doubt that they emulated Kate’s ugly behavior to Jon. They grew up learning disrespect from their mother and they in turn followed suit and disrespected others. They constantly saw their father being abused and belittled by their mother, that  they now allegedly  abused  and belittled others.

Instead of getting these children psychological help they apparently need, Kate decided to home school them.

In essence she is home schooling two children who do not get along with one another. This is a recipe for emotional disaster. These children need to be forced to socialize with others who are not their brothers and sisters. They need to  be in a school in order learn how to get along with others.

Home schooling is a bad idea for them  for other reasons as well. It can cause problems with them and their other brothers and sisters. They might  be seen as “bad” or  as outcasts who are being punished. This could affect their subsequent relationships with one another.  They might be viewed as lesser than by their fellow siblings.

NO TO HOME SCHOOLING  IN THE CASE OF ALEXIS AND COLIN !

Also who is going to home school them? Who is going to be the hands on teacher? Will it be Kate who is never there? Will it be Steve her “bodyguard”? Will it be a private teacher who will be fired at Kate;s whim  if the teacher  doesn’t do what Kate wants? Kate has had a history of going through countless house cleaners and nannies. So what is to say that she won’t go through countless teachers? This could be devastating for the kids.

I think Alexis and Colin  need to be put int another school right away so they will be forced to  deal with and get along with other children . I also hope that all the other  kids are in different classes with different teachers so that they can have a sense of being an  individual and not a part of a group of brothers and sisters.

Nothing good is going to come out of  this situation unless Kate gets out of her denial and gets them proper help from proper people which definitely include mental health professionals in my view. Otherwise, things will get worse and worse. If they are this out of control as children one can only imagine  what will they be like when they are teenagers and completely unmanageable.

PULL THE PLUG ON THE TV

All of these children need to off  TV in my view. They have enough money. They have a trust fund for their higher education. They need to focus on being kids and  the getting the emotional  help they need that just comes from being sextuplets. They need to learn how to adjust to life as individuals.TV is clearly not working for them at this point in their lives. Someone needs to be responsible and step up to the plate and pull the TV  plug on these kid.

FATHER DOES KNOW BEST

Joy  Behar made a joke on the show that Jon was now becoming ” Father Knows Best” . What she was saying was that he seemed to be the only steadying factor for these children. He is the loving and the nurturing of the two parents. He is why I feel there is hope for these kids. Jon now has a lovely woman who is a steady force in his life and in the kid’s lives- Ellen Ross . Now the kids will have  more positive role model. They will be able to see  love and kindness from a man and a woman (Jon and Ellen)  instead of hatred and bickering  (Jon and Kate) .

I don’t know what Jon and Kate’s  agreement is concerning he children’s educational and medical needs. I don’t know if Kate has all the power to make decisions or they both have equal decision making rights. If he has any say in this he needs to get  ALL of them into therapy asap and he needs to find a different school for Colin and Alexis where they can have a second chance and learn from their actions. www.drlillianglass.com